At least once..

I want to scream my lungs out..
I want to tell you everything..every single thing i feel inside..
The longing..
The "i miss you"
The hurt

At least once..so i will be okay again..
So i won't be like this anymore..
Dead soul who's been wondering..longing for answer..

What?why?how could?
I hate wondering...i hate guessing..
I hate myslef for not be able to move on..

I wish i could hate you so i won't be hurt anymore...
But..i just can't..
I love you..with all of my heart..no space for hate inside me for you...
Please..for once..let me

Ya Allah..give me chance..for once..i know your plan is the best plan after all..but why it has to hurt so much?